WANTED: Foster Parents Willing to Open Their Hearts, Homes

One by one, the young man picked up starfish and tossed each one back to the safety of the ocean. When told he couldn’t possibly make a difference because of the numerous starfish on the beach, the man replied, “It made a difference to that one.”

Foster parents know that saving children is like saving the starfish in this famous fable. It’s done one child at a time with love and patience – one day at a time.
Those days start early for United Methodist Church Wiregrass Children’s Home foster parents. Bearing such a responsibility isn’t easy.
These children in the custody of the Alabama Department of Human Resources exhibit identifiable special needs, whether psychiatric, emotional or behavioral. Almost every child in foster care has had some type of traumatic experience.
As required by the state of Alabama, therapeutic foster parents must meet Alabama Department of Human Resources guidelines and undergo 10 weeks of training in group preparation and selection.
But the education of the foster parent is only beginning when the child enters the home.
“We learn every day,” foster parent Ruby Howell said. “There’s not a day that goes by that we don’t learn something. Every child is different, and you learn every child’s needs are different.”
There are ups and downs, a fact that becomes evident while taking a look at these families’ daily lives. Yet the rewards – a gaping smile, a big accomplishment, a warm hug – are enough to make these foster parents ready to tackle another day.
Life at the Barber House
It’s only 5:30 a.m. at the Barber residence, but already Doris Barber is awakening her 14-year-old foster son Emory.
He has his Cap’n Crunch cereal with fruit and orange juice, and rides with his mother to her job at an elementary school, where he stays until his bus arrives.
“It gives me a chance to find out how his day is going to go,” said Barber, who has two children of her own – a daughter in her third year at Auburn University, and a son, who has already earned a degree in marketing and now lives in Lincoln, Mo.
About 2:15, Emory is back with his foster mother. Barber spends her planning period at the Ashford school helping her foster son with his homework.
“Since he’s been in my home, he’s really improved,” Barber said. “When I first got him there, I couldn’t get him to do anything. He though he was running the show.
“He would say he needed some money, and I would tell him I wasn’t going to give him any because he didn’t do something he was supposed to. So he found out that if he wants something, he has to earn it.”
Not long after Emory gets home from school, he’s off to the boys club for basketball, the highlight of his day.
“If I want to get his attention,” Barber said, “I just say I won’t let him go to the boys club.
“Sometimes, I try to get him to eat when he gets home, but usually he says he’ll eat when he gets back.”
Emory will sometimes help his mother with dinner and set the table. Whatever he does, Barber tries to make sure she gives him encouragement.
“They need a lot of verbal praise,” she said. “They may do 100 things wrong that day, but you have to find that one thing they do right. And it might just be pouring the ketchup without spilling it. Whatever it is, you praise them for it.”
After dinner, Emory usually retires to his CD player and listens to his favorite music.
The day might be long, but every once in a while comes those moments with foster children that make it worthwhile. Some moments come in a rush – like when Barber is riding to Ashford with her foster son.
“On the way, he was talking about his mother and how she gave him away when he was a baby and of his previous foster parent who passed away,” she said. “He was thinking about death quite a lot and asked, ‘Miss Barber, you’re not going to die, are you?’”
Just Like Any Other Day
Chris and Don Paulson wake their foster children – 12-year-old Scott and 11-year-old Shania – at about 6 in the morning. Like many other families, the group gathers to eat breakfast together at about 7.
After taking their medications for attention deficit disorder and brushing their teeth, Scott and Shania are off to meet the bus.
The Paulson kids get home at about 3:15. After their afternoon snack, Chris Paulson takes Shania to art camp. On another day, Shania would be headed to her soccer game while Don Paulson helps Scott with his homework.
When Shania returns home from art school, she and her brother finish their homework, and later their foster father leads them in family Bible study.
One of the children’s treatment plans calls for listening to the Bible on cassette tape, Chris Paulson said.
Making a Child’s Life Better
It’s early morning at Don and Ruby Howell’s home in Ozark, where Ruby wakes her 10-year-old foster daughter Tootie.
While Tootie gets dressed and cleans her room, the aroma of grits, eggs and buttered biscuits waft from the kitchen. After breakfast, Tootie hops on the school bus, and Ruby gets herself ready for work at the Magnolia Manor assisted living center.
At the day’s end, Tootie comes home from school to her family. Ruby Howell is usually waiting on the front porch swing with the dogs, Sugar and Abby. After a snack (usually a soft drink and potato chips), Ruby and her foster daughter sit outside and talk about their day.
Next comes either homework or Tootie’s chores. Today, she’s sweeping the front porch.
In the Howell house, teamwork is the order of the day. While her mother prepares dinner, Tootie usually sets the table and fills the tea glasses. Later, family time is then spent watching a movie, usually one from the home library, and the TV news.
“We’re supposed to always view a movie ourselves before we let them watch,” Howell said. “Sometimes, our children are more educated on a lot of the negative stuff than a lot of us are.
“So much of the stuff you see on the news has happened to her. She sees she’s not the only one.”
Eighty percent of the children who come into the foster care program have been physically or sexually abused, said case worker Elizabeth Duke. But with the help of therapeutic foster homes like the Howells, these children can get a second shot at life.
Yes, the Howells know the responsibility of helping troubled youngsters is a challenging one, but they say it’s a labor of love.
Tensions dissipate in the stolen moments at around 9:15 – bedtime at the Howell home. These rewarding moments come in more quiet times, like just before Tootie goes to sleep.
“She always asks the Lord to bless her, her mother and her brother,” Howell said. “And she always says she loves us, too.”