Celebrity Gaffes Compiled in New Book

At least when we ordinary people speak before we think, the worst that can happen is embarrassment to whoever hears our moment of stupidity.
When you’re in the public eye, your words will forever be available for the entertainment of those who like to laugh at the slip-ups of others, as was the case for a sportswriter covering Super Bowl XXII in San Diego, Calif., who asked Washington Redskins quarterback Doug Williams, “How long have you been a black quarterback?”
A new book chronicles some of the dumbest comments by politicians and other celebrities. The book, compiled by Ross and Kathryn Petras and available at WaldenBooks and Bookland in Wiregrass Commons, is appropriately titled, “The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said.”
Here are some samples from the book:
“Sure, I look like a white man. But my heart is as black as anyone’s here.” Former Alabama Gov. George Wallace
“Bruce Sutter has been around for a while, and he’s pretty old. He’s 35 years old. That will give you an idea of how old he is. Ron Fairly, San Francisco Giants broadcaster
“Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.” Alf Landon in a speech in the United States during his presidential campaign against President Franklin D. Roosevelt
“China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.” Charles DeGaulle, former president of France
But celebrities aren’t the only ones subject to saying things that make one look foolish. We all fall victim to the stupid talk trap at times.
One local woman said her daughter is adept at it.
“Somebody asked my daughter at a party when she graduated from college,” Helen Cutler said. “She replied, ‘When I was a senior.’”
“We were at Las Vegas once, and she had been watching waitresses walk around, and they were all dressed alike and wearing little hairpieces. All she saw were blondes walking around, and she said, ‘Mother, do you have to be a blonde to get their job?’”
John Frye, manager of a Dothan restaurant, recalled two instances – one heard on a NFL broadcast and the other from a former co-worker. He said he wishes he had kept a record of all of the stupid, but funny, things he’s heard in his line of work.
“The dough mixer was torn up when I worked in Mississippi, and one guy I worked with said, ‘It is totally non-functionable,’” Frye said. “I said, ‘No, it isn’t. It’s broken.’
“I was also watching football on Sunday, and Boomer Esiason threw an interception. The announcer said, ‘Boomer would love to have that one back.’ I thought, ‘Of course, he would.’”
Ms. Cutler said her sister has also been known to put her foot in her mouth, particularly on one occasion when a bird almost dropped something on her as she was checking her mail.
“She said, ‘I didn’t know birds could fly and poop at the same time,’” Ms. Cutler said, laughing.
George Wallace, not the former Alabama governor, but the comedian brother of former Auburn University offensive tackle Steve Wallace, built his most popular routine around the stupid things people say. He calls it “The Whole World is Sick.”
Wallace talks about popular clichés that actually make no sense, such as “Never kick a man when he’s down.” His response is “Why not? Can you think of a better time to kick him?”
People who ask “Is it cold enough for you?” also get on Wallace’s nerves.
Other examples of stupid talk that draw Wallace’s wrath are often found in newspapers and in conversations with secretaries.
Obituaries often have the words, “He had an unexpected heart attack,” and “He met an untimely death.” Wallace wants to know when one expects a heart attack, and when is really a good time to die.
He said he called his doctor’s office, and the receptionist asked if she could tell him who’s calling.
“‘Yeah, go ahead,’ I told her,” Wallace said. “‘And while you’re at it, Miss Know-it-all, tell him why I’m calling.’”